To the kindergarten teacher

When I was in kindergarten every day we would go to the bathroom and then go outside for recess or to play on the playground and wait for the buses  or whatever it was called.   One day early in the year I was last in line for the bathroom.   I used the bathroom and washed my hands just like the teacher always told us.   And when I went outside the bathroom my class was gone.  So I walked up and down the hall looking for my class.   And a teacher with brownish blonde hair and glasses opened her classroom door and yelled at me for being out in the hall.  She didn't ask if I was lost or what I was trying to do.   She just yelled at me and told me I was not supposed to be there.   She made me wish I could just die to get away from her.

The reason I object to all the facebook things saying we make our own decisions is that when I was a small 5 year old  a teacher made a decision that made me make a decision.   I decided then and there to never use the bathroom at school.   I decided a life time of bladder infections and a bladder that leaks all  the time was better than risking going to the bathroom at school.     At 5  I didn't know I would forever have problems due to this decision.    I didn't know that when I was 18 if I laughed or sneezed my bladder would leak.   I did not know that it would forever taint my sex life.   That decision that a teacher made back in the 1970's  has haunted me for my entire life.  I also learned school wasn't a place where I was allowed to be human.  I never knew her name.   I wish she knew the consequences of her actions.   I wonder if there are others like me.  I wish all teachers knew. 

In first grade I had a teacher that made fun of me.  I had headaches and I would vomit and she taunted me and told everyone I was doing it on purpose.   She made my life miserable.  She taught me that I would never ever be good enough for anyone.    I wish she knew.   I wish all teachers knew the power they have.   A facebook friend is a teacher.   She posted about how she asked kids how much 100 grains of rice was.  They way over estimated.  Then she showed them.   As a kid that would have by that time learned that teachers do things to make kids look stupid  it would have seriously hurt me.   I would have lost all trust in that teacher.  I wish teachers knew there were kids like me.   But teachers never know that kind of stuff.

In 2nd grade we were doing art.   The art teacher was Mr. Whitehead.    We were supposed to fold paper cranes.    I couldn't get my paper crane to turn out right.   Mr. Whitehead banged his hand hard on my desk in front of me  and told me I was stupid.  I hate art.    I don't appreciate art.  Other than a few things my kids have done at school there is no art anywhere in my home.  I don't encourage my kids to do art type things.   Art is bad.  Art made me stupid.   I wish Mr. Whitehead knew what he did.  But I am guessing he never had a clue.  

And so when people say you can't blame your past  I disagree.   So does my bladder.